Self reflection

8 months.
It has been 8 months since I moved to London.

Back home in Austria I asked my brother if I had changed in any way.
Of course I have.
He told me I have become way more confident and trust the process of life more.
I would agree.
It is weird to be here knowing I don’t have my own home anymore to return to.
I miss the people I left behind in England.

Ahead of me lies a long journey.
Self development is a huge aspect of it.
My whole character changed and continues to change.
I feel like I don’t really know who I am, yet I get closer to myself every single day.
I am a paradox.
The living proof of simple complexity.

Breakthrough after breakthrough.
Change happens so fast.
Apparently I am ready for it.
But boy is it exhausting.
Love is what I am seeking and I constantly learn something new about it.
I came from emotional dependency.
Am I ready for commitment already?
I have so much love to give.
Am I giving it to the wrong people?

Self worth is another huge topic that circles around in my thoughts.
I am one of 8 billion.
How can I say I am special?
Everything that is inside of me exists in another human too.
Noone is exactly constructed like I am.
Still there is something of me inside of everyone.
You don’t notice that walking around the busy streets of London.
You feel like a seperate entity.

How do I look?
Why does it matter?
Nobody but myself cares.
Be of service to others and give what you can.
Give love, share joy, spread hope.
I give to everyone I meet.
Is that a mistake?

Inner beauty is what I am seeking.
Integrity.
I want to stop this war inside of myself that has been going on for years.
My ego is the enemy.
Selfish motives are like a fire.
They destroy as they go and spread fast.
Stop thinking so much about yourself.

Confidence is only attractive when it is coming from within and expressed in humble ways.
Do I make wrong decisions?
Probably.
It is the only way to learn.
Sometimes I regret my words.
But should I really?
As long as I speak in alignment with my heart I should be good.

My heart always leads me to people that teach me a lot of things.
When will it ever lead me to someone that feels like a blessing instead of a lesson?

I noticed what a wonderful person I am.
Why do I still feel like that?
Maybe that is something I have to reflect on at another time.
What do you think about yourself?