Not many people know that I actually suffered from an eating disorder for many years. I hid it very well, never talked about it and most of the time even lied to myself about how serious it all was. Let me share my story with you and how I overcame and healed the eating disorder that was part of my life for so long.
Whenever I get asked how it all started, I can never give a definite answer. Eating disorders sneak their way into your life and slowly start eating away at you. Like everything else it all starts with a belief pattern.
For me, it was definitely a mix between having no real routine when it comes to eating and not accepting myself the way I was. I believed that as a woman I can only have one specific body type or else I am ugly or not worth as much and therefore not lovable or attractive.
I also never really learned the importance of food in my life. So, my relationship with food has been quite fucked up since I was about 14 years old. I never ate enough and thus never gave my body the fuel it really needed.
BECOMING AWARE OF THE PROBLEM
The first step of my healing journey was becoming aware that what I was doing was not sustainable. When I was around 19 years old I started to realize that it is not normal for a human being to never have any energy, always feel weak, drained and depressed.
I became aware that in order to have a good life, I needed to look at my toxic relationship with my body and food.
THE BEGINNING OF A HEALTHY LIFE
All I wanted was to feel good again. I remembered the child-like, free spirit I always was and how this part of me literally dried up and died because I was starving it so much. So I started to change my mindset. I knew that it was my responsibility to get better and that I couldn’t rely on anyone else for it to happen. I knew that it was possible, that I could do it and I knew how important it was for me to live a long, healthy and enjoyable life.
So, I started to value myself more. I started to see how deserving I was of a healthy life. That could only happen if I loved myself and treated my body accordingly.
Right after graduating from school I spent 3 weeks at a specialized hospital and learned techniques on how to deal with negative moments that come my way. Most of the work and motivation still came from within. I always held a vision in mind.
MAINTAINING A HEALTHY MINDSET
Not going to lie, the beginning of this journey was hard as fuck. I had so many set backs and it took my about 3 years to fully heal myself. Even now I sometimes compare my body, especially my stomach, to others or wish I looked different in some way.
Key here is to become aware and recognize those thoughts as nothing but thoughts. They will pass. My focus now is on being the healthiest version of myself I can be. I realized that my body is my best friend, it works hard for me even in times I treated it like shit.
My body is my vehicle. Through it I can experience this reality. One day it will die and I will move on. That’s why I honor it and give it whatever it needs to function properly. At the end, life is a temporary adventure that should be enjoyed.
What I eat in a day: https://youtu.be/aocPBIouDlM